Teacher wins in a landslide

by Karl Christen

Titulia City - The final vote tally for the August election has been tabulated. Teacher has won by a landslide over challenger Jeremy Jenkins and James Inglis. Teacher received 34 votes to Jenkins 11 votes, and Inglis finished with 8 votes. With 64.15 percent of the vote, Teacher easily avoided a second round runoff election and becomes the first non-founding citizen to win re-election to the presidency.

Mr Jenkins conceded his defeat in the forums, with the following statement.

"somewhere around 6 or 7 months ago, i emigrated to Titulia. I look back on that time and wish, that I had never done it. You people need to find a real hobby. I ran for election for fun, and loved every minute of watching you people get PISSED at each other about it. Calling me a fool for returning Titulia to greatness is absolutely correct. Titulia was NEVER great! ha ha. Just a bunch of people sitting around their computers YELLING at each other about whether to start a legislature. Is there no better way to spend your time? I used to take this seriously too, until i realized how precious life is, and that i was wasting it by being a part of Titulia. I hope you all have fun, but your kids/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/parents are calling you and you're too busy lobbying for new exchange rate on Titulia Dollars. Congratulations to Teacher on reelection, seriously. Obviously she is a good President because her people like her, but perhaps her people should move their attention elsewhere, and thereby, remain being people."

The opinion of this paper is that Jeremy maybe having a difficult time dealing with the loss. As for Mr Inglis no comment at this time, which of course is pretty standard for him. We are still waiting for the official victory speech of Teacher, and we will print it when it is available.

Teacher supporters are happy, as they should be in her crushing victory. But voting was at an all time low, and 34 votes in her favor would be barely enough to get her over the top in past elections. Other analysts have pointed out that without a Libertarian candidate in the race the outcome could have been much different. At this time Matt Ingebritson is unavailable for comment, though inquiries have been made on his facebook account. As for Mr McVicker, he has asked for privacy at this point and has declined comment on why there was no candidate for the Libertarian Party.